I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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