Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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