I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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