my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
