Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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