Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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