the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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