everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
