I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
