I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
