Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
