you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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