Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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