I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
