Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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