i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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