At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
