I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
