i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
