i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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