I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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