I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
