I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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