Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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