yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
