Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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