i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
