dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
