He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
