Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
