sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize