I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
