My cat gives me a boner
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
