another moral hangover. fuck.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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