A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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