I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
