Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
