So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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