Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize