I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
