all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I did not marry a roomba.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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