The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
