I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
