It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
