thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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