a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
