we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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