I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
