I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Damn victory sex feels great
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
