i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
