How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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