Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
