I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
