Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
