oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
