I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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