you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
