May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
