I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
