The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
