hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
