so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
