so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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