Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
