i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
