I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
