I think I won the penis lottery.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you had me at cake vodka
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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