I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
