apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
